Nightmares

Have you ever had a nightmare before? I just woke up from one about an hour ago. I thought this would make for an interesting topic. I'll spare you the long, detailed version and try to shorten it.

Carl and I were walking around his house in the dark. 

(Big surprise)

There was a man's shadow wandering through different rooms. We tried to follow him and trap him, but when the lights came on, there was no one there. The same night, we were hanging out when I discovered a strange looking insect. Then, suddenly, more and more came in the house and before you knew it, we were swarmed by massive numbers of these flying caterpillars. (Caterpillars with wasp-like wings)

We had to leave the house and head to mine. We started seeing on the news that strange things, involving new creatures, were happening all over the country. 

The next thing I new, it was a new day, I was standing in my kitchen trying to make adjustments to my new Dallas Cowboys Jersey. I looked up to see a large humanoid monster (Like something from a B-Movie) walking into my living room from the back door. I grabbed a knife and he came barreling into the kitchen. As I tried to jump over my counter to get away, he grabbed me by the legs... 

And I woke up.

What a weird dream. It's certainly not the scariest, but it's been awhile since I've had one. It definitely throws you off-guard. I think I've been watching, reading, and listening to too many scary stories. I think I will be trying to keep it "clean" with what I watch, read, and listen to for awhile. That way, by Halloween, I'll be ready to embrace the scariness once again. 

Now, though, I am curious. What is the scariest dream you've ever had? How did it affect you? 

I'll tell you mine. (Again, I'll keep it brief) This is not about scary monsters or zombies, there are no creatures or fairy tale images. It was too realistic, for the most part.

I was hanging out with a good friend of mine. We were visiting a trailer park. Inside each trailer, the people occupying them, were preparing for a circus that evening.

We were looking for special outfits to wear and makeup to try on. Yet, around this park, it was nothing except a desert wasteland. All of the trailers looked like white train cars, dumped randomly on top of this dirty clay-like ground.

There were no clowns (Thank goodness!) just people you might find in "Small Town", Texas.

The two of us left, now joined by a few members of her family. We came across a set of railroad tracks. There were probably 6-8 different sets of tracks. I didn't want to walk across them. Even though, there were no trains, it was completely deserted, besides the trailer park. 

They walked ahead of me, and I finally sucked up the courage to cross. I double-checked every time I was about to cross. Still nothing.

They had made it past the tracks safely, and surely I would, too. I came up to the last set of tracks, checked both ways. There was nothing. I took one step onto the tracks and a very large train, blowing it's horn, hit me instantly.

I woke up, gasping for air, in a cold sweat. I sat straight up. It was the first time I had ever reached death in a dream. Normally, like the dream I had this morning, something will catch me or happen and I'll wake up before I find out how I meet my end. 

I just don't understand that dream. I think one of the reasons it scared me so badly was I didn't just have it once. It was recurring constantly. Every night that week, I think I had that dream. Luckily, I haven't had that dream in a long time. I'm really hoping that I never do again.

Now, I want to hear all about YOUR DREAMS!

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Love Is In The Air

Have you ever been in love? This is an unusual topic for myself.
I just feel like I should be chronicling this part of my life. If you're not interested in this topic, I apologize now. This is important to me, however, and I feel like I need to share this.

I'm only 24 years old. I don't have many years of experience on this topic, but I know enough. Two years ago, I was single (and had been for a long time). I dated a few guys, but it was rare that I ever had a boyfriend. I was always the single and fat friend. So, naturally, everyone came to me for relationship advice. I always wanted to know Why?, but I soon realized when you're in a situation, it's nice to have an outsider's viewpoint. I learned many lessons this way.

I used to hate being single. I wanted to be like everyone else, happy in a relationship. Years went by and I became an adult. Being a hair stylist, helped me meet people. I made good friends and met some really awesome clients. Some of whom, I dated. That was a big mistake. However, I became more knowledgeable of how men began to think and act. I suddenly found myself in a world I would never understand fully. I'm not sure anyone ever will understand love. I wanted it, but I was not prepared for the roller coaster I was about to board.

I had thoughts of what my ideal man would be like. I dreamed I would find my Prince Charming. I believe the Universe is full of irony. Does anyone ever get what they really dreamed of? Some say they do.

I went on with my life, doing the same daily routines. Until, one night after work, something unusual happened. I met up with a friend of mine from school. He was living in my area and was in my neighborhood that night. I thought he was alone, but when I went to meet him, his strange looking friend was there, too. I thought nothing of it. It was nice to connect with someone from my "old life". The three of us got some dinner and headed back to my house to watch cartoons and play games until 5 am. The downside to this was I had to be at work by 9 am. I didn't want to ask them to leave, I was trying to be cool about it.

The next day, at work, I could only think of how tired I was. I thought about his friend. He was 26, no job, no school, living at home with his parents. "What a loser." I thought. I certainly didn't have my life completely together, but at 22 I was working hard at the salon, slaving away for some cash. I never thought of him romantically. Time passed, and we talked to each other on Facebook. I got to know more and more about him. Suddenly, I was hooked. I wanted this man in my life. I still, never thought of him romantically. One day, I decided to break routine. I had the day off, so I asked him if he wanted to hang out. I picked him up, and we ate some Asian food, then headed to Best Buy to look around. I didn't realize Best Buy would let me in on his tastes on entertainment. (Books, music, movies, games...) I learned so much about him. We had a LOT in common.

We had a great time, and more time passed, we talked every night. I saw him on my days off. I never thought this "loser" would be one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. I am so thankful we are now together. Things haven't been easy. There is still much progress to be made. But I have never felt so happy, so safe, so close to anyone in my life, than when I am with him. I always ask myself now "How did I get so lucky?" Sure, he drives me up the wall and makes me absolutely angry from time-to-time. I wouldn't take it back, though. I am glad, now, that I waited for the "right" one to come along. This man means the world to me. He may be far from perfect, but he's my imperfection. I now understand what everyone else is talking about. I thought I did before, but now I'm in the "club". I truly understand what it means to be head-over-heels in love.
***
Funny story: Several years ago, a close friend and I, went to see a psychic. During our reading, I thought the reader had become confused and mixed up my reading with my friend's. But when I look back at it now, she described the man that would change my life. Physically, she described Carl. I can't believe how spot-on she was! (Just thought I'd throw this in there.)

How many of you have found the love of your life? I would like to hear your stories, too! Share away!

Mary Lee Crumrine

Yesterday, I lost someone I loved very deeply. This is possibly the hardest news I've ever had to take. And I can only write this with a severely broken heart. My grandmother is now gone. A deep part of myself is now missing. This wound will take the longest to heal.

As part of this healing process, I'd like to remember all of the good things about her life. As well as the parts of my life I spent with her. While she was.... (The simple act of changing "is" to "was" is hard.) As I was saying, she was nowhere near perfect, but her flaws are what make my Grannie so unique. Perhaps, I should say "made" instead of "make". Oh well...
Despite her flaws and quirks, this woman changed my life for the better. It began slowly. It wasn't until recently I became aware of how important her and my grandfather are to me. How each talk, each visit, was not to be taken for granted. I'm not just saying that because she's gone now. I realized this long before her death. I still can't fathom that she's really not here.

Suddenly, all of those trips to the grocery store are more important than ever. Every time my grandpa would drive us in the big white truck to grab only a handful of items at the store, my grandmother and I would wander around and a handful became a cart full. Everything in the cart was of-course either on sale or she had a coupon for it. I remember going to Wal-Mart to get cans or Cream of Mushroom Soup, but they only had one can of the cheaper brand. So we waited 20 minutes for an employee to find another can of the same kind in the back, even though the other cans of the same soup were only 5 cents more expensive.
We'd come back to the truck and my grandpa would always say "Oh hell, what did you buy now?".

I miss the random things we'd laugh about. I miss the trips we used to take across the U.S. I miss laughing at her purple pants that were no funnier than the other pairs she owned. I miss watching her scribble on notepads and wiggling her toes every time she talked on the phone. I miss talking to her the most. I could tell her about nothing and she'd still be smiling and happy to talk about it. I miss having coffee with her on the porch every morning. Or how we'd drink coffee until about 5pm and finally get around to making breakfast.

Every Sunday morning she'd wake and make coffee, then turn on the old gospel music on the radio until 10am when Joel came on T.V. Her dream was to go to The Lakewood Church in Houston so she could see Joel Osteen and hear the music they didn't play during T.V. time.

I love the way she loved Elvis. I love that she would never let a day go by without telling me how much she loved me a hundred times before you could get her off the phone.

I miss everything about her. I love everything about her.
And I can only thank her for so many things.

It is because of my grandmother that I found God. I didn't understand as a kid why we'd have to pray at every meal or why she needed to read her bible every single day though she had read it many times before. Now I do. She had a direct connection to the Lord. Everyday she talked to God more than people..(and she talked to people A LOT) I understand what faith, love, hope, and happiness is because of her.

The second thing I have to thank her for is her stories. My father died when I was still an infant. I never got to know him like the rest of my family. Through her stories, however, I've grown to feel close to him. Like how he'd come to her house during the holidays and eat the whole box of chocolate covered cherries and leave a note in the fridge letting her know they needed to buy more. Or how he never had a Christmas without listening to Elvis while decorating the tree.

Now, my father, his brother (Uncle Tim), my grandfather (Papa Ed), and my grandmother are all back together in heaven.

I know that's what she wanted. She missed her sons more than anything in the world. But now she's left behind my Grandpa, who is also suffering from a broken heart. I'm going to watch over him, but this is going to be difficult for all of us. I've never seen him like this before.

My grandmother is and was a beautiful, kind, loving, charismatic woman. She taught me hundreds of life lessons, about God, about family, about cooking....about the world. I have made the promise that I will now continue my life doing the things she believed I could. Her faith in my successes are now the fuel for me to push forward and make all of my goals and dreams come true.

That includes: getting healthy and in shape, getting many promotions at work and making it to an Artistic Director, travelling the world, meeting good people, having a strong Faith and relationship with God, and lastly being the best person I know how to be.

All of which will happen, though I can't say it's going to be easy. I am so used to picking up the phone and calling her to talk about good things, or to just check in. I'm going to miss her voice on the other end of that phone. Until then, I still have her voice on my voicemail messages on my phone.

There's so much more to say about this amazing woman, but I'll spare you the details.

I love you Grannie, more than the world. Truly, this world is not the same without you. I'm thankful for the time we've had together, and for the lessons you've taught me. I have regrets but only that I didn't have more time with you. Send my love to Pop and Uncle Tim and all of the family. I will see you again someday.

January 2011

It has come to my attention that my life needs some change. Everyday I'm making little changes that make a great impact. This is no longer about changing for the new year. It's about changing for my life, my future, my health.

This is not one of those empty promises. I don't make those anymore. I'm not the same person that I used to be. So much has happened to me, and so much has changed me. I realize now that I have not been myself 100% of the time and that is no longer going to be the case.

In the next few weeks you may notice gradual changes in my appearance, attitude, habits. No need to worry though. I am still me. Only, this time, 100% improved me. (Does that make sense?)

Today, despite being sick, I cleaned up my bedroom and washed every item of clothing and towels that I own.
(By the way... Why is it that when you get a cold they last forEVER?!)

Anyway, I have set goals for this year. Like getting my sales at work high enough to earn commission and have days where I'm booked solid with return clients. Of course, I still have the usual get in shape and get healthy goals. But this year I'm less concerned as long as I'm healthy, I'm happy.

So, if you see me in the near future, don't be surprised if something's different. I'm more motivated in life than ever before.

Now if I could just get over this cold....



See ya guys! ;)

The Good Life

This is the beginning of my new life.
I seem to do this routine of going strong and doing really well and then I make one mistake that snowballs into a lazy, stagnant life.

After reading an article in November's issue of Glamour Magazine called "The Big Junk Food Test", I came to the conclusion that my health is in serious danger. Of course, this is something I already knew. Being overweight alone is unhealthy. Top that with the constant craving and indulging of sweets and fatty foods and you've got yourself one large "Sundae of Doom". I think the name is fitting.

I strongly urge my fellow ladies to check out this magazine. If you don't want to buy it, post up in your local store and give the article a read before you finish your grocery rounds. It's eye-opening, for sure.

Now, back to the subject at hand... Shortly after finishing the article, I logged into my computer only to see another article on Yahoo! titled "America's Youngest Billionaires". That's when it hit me. I suddenly "woke up" to reality. The first thing I said to myself as I went through this list was "You mean to tell me these losers are the top 10 youngest billionaires?" And on top of that, all of them are men? I am not a super feminist by any means, but I was surprised more young women like myself aren't making their way up the list.

Naturally, I've decided to do something about this.
So over the next several years I will be working hard to establish myself and my businesses. I know there are plenty of incredible women with incredible money. However, I feel like we aren't exactly making enough effort, ladies.
I'm not trying to sound as though money is all that matters and women should be making more than men.
It's not easy to make that much money. Especially for someone like me, who is extremely giving... :D

What I'm trying to say is I think more women should be making that kind of money at a younger age like these men have.

Anyway... I'm rambling...

So, this wake up call has occurred. I'm not sure if this is a sign from God or a phenomenon related to 10/10/2010, but regardless of that, it was time. So I'm starting this 100 Day Reality Challenge this week. It's my first season and I've been attempting to begin for a year now, so it's time I started.
The gist of the challenge is that you're supposed to set goals for yourself and use the universal laws of attraction to bring those goals to reality. Whether it be good health, a job, more money, love... anything you want in your life.

I'll do my starter blog on this, tomorrow. I just want to spend today preparing and visualizing the life that I will have. I no longer "want" anything. No, now I will have all of it. The perfect life. It doesn't matter how much you have it's about the quality, which is mostly what I'm focused on.

Anyway I'm getting tired so instead of letting myself babble I'll go to bed and post again tomorrow.

Goodnight guys!
Feel free to join me on this 100 day challenge!

Rockafella

Hey dolls!

Well what can I say about my life in the last couple of weeks?
I think it's safe to say I've unintentionally started on a journey of sorts. For a long time now my life has been simple. I've been floating by with a kind of numbness that gets me through each day.
I've always been this really shy, quiet person. I'm starting to open up a little more. Really saying what's on my mind when necessary has always been some kind of struggle. Lately, however, I've been "blossoming" into this new creature. I love it.

I think this happens every couple of years for me. I'm always changing and discovering more about myself than I knew the year before. I have these strange anxiety issues and I always have. And yet, at the same time, I have always been an extremely friendly person who loves to talk to people. I used to get into trouble at school for talking too much. Now I barely make a sound.
Anyway, I like what's happening. I'm not becoming some loudmouth girl who says negative things to people. Just me, still friendly, but willing to show it.

Have you guys ever struggled with anxiety and shyness issues?

So back to the beginning. The numbness that got me by everyday. It's like living in a world without color and music. Everything is routine, black and white, and boring. I had gotten a string of writer's block and creativity loss.
That's what I was missing. I have tons of art supplies that have gotten dusty, thanks to this numbness. And I couldn't find it. Now that my life has shifted into different gears, I'm beginning to slide back into that world again. Only this time, more mature and deeper than I was before.

I've found art. I've found color. I've rediscovered fashion and beauty. I've found people. And I'm always finding new music for the soundtrack of my life. And best of all, I'm learning to be better than I was before.
A better friend, teacher, daughter, girl, and a better me.

I'm back in school right now. I forgot how much work it really can be. I'm still not perfect, but I'm doing a much better job this semester than ever before. I can't wait for the weather to be cold again. I'll enjoy going to class even more when my hair doesn't frizz up. :D
I'm learning a lot, despite a lot of distractions that might occur.

The job search is still going strong. Despite the short break I've taken to prepare for school. I know I'll find something soon.

Don't you hate how you do ten full loads of chores a day and it seems like no matter how much you clean it never stays that way?... Am I the only one annoyed by that? Maybe it's because the lazy part of me hates to clean. Oh well. My mind is slipping because I'm thinking about my next art project and math homework. I guess that's my cue to end this post.

Enjoy your weekend kiddos. Stay classy. ;)

Positivity

Wow life is crazy.
And I love every minute of it.

I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've ever been. Things have been rough, but somehow that makes little difference towards the way I feel.

I still need a job and I have to pay back a lot of money, but all of that will settle in time.
I finally turned 21. It's not even that I'm legally allowed to drink alcohol. It's as though the air is different now. Somehow I feel cleansed of all the bad things that were once in my life, including the bad feelings.
Everything is settling into place one by one. It seems my prayers have been answered. God has been blessing me with various people, lessons, and experiences.
My faith is stronger than ever, I feel closer to my family, I feel my friends and I are finally on the same page.
There is not one negative person who can bring me down again.
I feel beautiful.
And look it, too! ;)

You may look at me and think "Her life sucks. She has no money or a job."
But despite that positivity reigns. I am rich, beautiful, happy, and nothing can stop me. God has given me so much. And I can't thank him enough.
Once I let go of the negativity and the stress, I gave everything to Him. In return, he showed me the person I was meant to be. The person I am becoming every single day. I still don't know what lies down the road for me. I don't know where I'll be twenty years from now, but right now I'm alive and well. And nothing else matters.

:D


So this week's lesson kiddos,
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS. They'll take you places you've never dreamed of.